SPOKEN AND UNSPOKEN WORDS

Crow & Chibiterasu

Timeline: Okamiden ending -> Celestial Plains

Author: Holly

If there was such a thing as fate, how far did it plan and how cruel could it get… The words you spoke to me when we first met; at times like these when I have the luxury of looking towards the sky, they can be nothing but taunting. Yes, as I close my eyes, I remember them clearly: "You and Moi, There is some kind of mysterious force drawing us together, I can feel it."

Perhaps that one line drew us together, whether or not I felt fated to meet you as you did towards me. Initially I thought you were just a haughty and capricious kind of guy --- but as I grew to know you, I began to understand. I realized that you were more capricious and pompous than capricious and haughty…heh. Of course, with the way you spoke, anyone would think so. Nevertheless, you extended your hand to me when I was on the brink of loneliness, and you and your self-confident demeanour probably did me more good than harm. Maybe I can trust this person, I thought….but maybe I was also too naïve, just as you had warned.

There were times when you would selfishly leave me and go off somewhere on your own, somewhere and for something you wouldn’t tell me about. But every time you returned, you came just on time to help me, smiling and teasing me…even though your smile may have been just a façade. I wish I had seen through it earlier --- your brilliant poker face. Had I…maybe something would’ve changed. The insecurities you carried, I was too immature to notice. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry. I wish I had kept a tighter grip. If only I knew you had been suffering for so long.

A cruel fate awaited you; one that no one but yourself knew. Such a terrifying actor, you outshine even Kagura. We all fell for it. No one could even suspect that you of all people would do that to us…would leave us so broken hearted. Even though I forgave you, even though I never stopped crying for you, even though I tried to call you countless times, you still said those crushing words to me.

“You’re the greatest partner after all. I won't hesitate anymore, so please...kill me, my best friend.”

They struck me like lightning. I knew you couldn’t really have betrayed us, I knew you were too weak from our battle…and I instinctively knew what I had to do but I…I still couldn’t forgive myself for a long time after that. How could I, after all, to me you were like a part of myself, a part I couldn‘t manage without. But now that you’re gone, it hurts to remember.

When I first thought about meeting that person, I didn’t know whether or not I should be angry or grateful towards him. After all, he brought you into this world, but also into that pandemonium. Perhaps I might’ve felt frustrated at first…but when I thought about having never been able to meet you, I was suddenly overcome with grief. I could not blame him. The will and choice back then at that moment was yours and yours alone. You are as you said, your own person, and perhaps you knew that all along.

If I could speak in human language, I would’ve told you everything that was on my mind, I would’ve told you anything. Even now, you are irreplaceable. No matter how many of you that person creates, the Crow that I love and the Crow in my memories will never be replaced by anything or anyone. Forever you are my greatest partner and best friend. That will never change.

Thank you for having been born into this world. Thank you for everything.